I received a new game in my inbox, with this simple message...
"Here is my entry for the C.S.S.C.G.C 2023
Forgive me.
Red Zebra"
Games in my inbox don't usually come with such a penitent tone.
However no need to appologise! after all this is a crap game contest, and for starters this is a GAME and its for the ZX SPECTRUM - so I am thankful you have made this reviewers life a little easier. Also, Red Zebra has managed something I have rarely managed, they spelt the competition acronym correctly!
The game is called 'Face Punch'.
Some early signs of crap emerge - the loading screen is basic, but I actually like it. However Red Zebra has not done the poke that stops the loading information overwriting the screen. So yes, that is a bit crap!
Next we are presented with a simple menu screen - simple but nicely done. I get the feeling Red Zebra has a keen eye for presentation. The game also boasts Kempston support, something not usually found in my inbox these days.
The game requires only 3 keys, which I like because I feel it's going to be simple to get to grips with and I prepare for some frenetic button mashing.
Excitement building! could this be an actual playable game? From the email I have absolutely not idea what to expect next.
Then the game starts and what loveliness is this? We are presented with two huge chunky low res fighters in a ring. These look fricking perfect. I cannot wait to duck and weave and slug it out with my opponent in the yellow shorts. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee...
But sadly this is a spectrum basic game, and here is where the crap really sets it. The game is painfully slow and unresponsive.
You move back and forth trying to punch the other guy. After enough punches the other nameless opponent is knocked out. That's it.
Random code snippet: "REM Draw Legs"
Sadly Face Punch runs at a snails pace. I press down hard on the 'P' key, and after an age, I finally get close to my opponent and hold the punch button down hoping that something will actually happen. Sometimes nothing - and I take the face punch, sometimes I issue a punch and strike my opponent in the face.
KO! Adrien!!!
Given the frustrating pace of the game, there was only one thing for it: crank the game emulation speed up to 800% (yes really) and the game becomes responsive for the first time. So, at this speed is the game any good? Is it fun to play?
Well no. The game looks amazing, but even at 800% there is no real strategy or challenge. I press the right key until I get close enough to punch old yella, and then I spam the space key until I knock that sucker out.
After 5 rounds of identical game play I have won.
Mrs Bizzle's thoughts:
- Well, there's not too much to it.
- If its a case of winning 3 or more rounds against the computer, why do you have to play all 5 rounds after winning the first three?
- It looks alright, don't it?
In Summary
Even though this game is not fun to play, the idea and presentation of the game are excellent and worth a download for anyone reading this. Brilliant crap for sure.
Do you like punching? Do you hate faces, and want to punch them, exclusively?? Then boy, do I have the game for you, get Face Punch here
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