You may remember Azimov from his earlier entry - Cocaine Bear. For all its flaws, that was not a boring game. In fact, it caught the zeitgeist at the time, and rode on train of hype generated from the rather silly film trailer. But to be fair, Azimov's gave the game nice graphics and even in-game AY music. It is certainly in the running for the BEST GAME, and was even reviewed in Crash no less.
Well, Azimov is back with something at the other end of the (err...) Spectrum. Imagine, if you will, a scale. Let's call it the Bizzle scale, where 11 Bizzles is the most exciting possible thing. You might say being chased by a bear that's high on cocaine is 8 Bizzles for sure. Then, at the other end of this scale you have 0 Bizzles, which is what I experienced playing this game.
Indeed, there were times, while playing this that I thought that I had died and simply forgotten. Exciting? No. Most boring game every made for the ZX spectrum? Well, read on...
It starts, as it always does, with an email:
"I send you my small contribution, a simulator for watching Starlink satellite trains pass by, heheehhe. From 6 to 20 minutes can pass between each one of them! If you press space when you see one pass by you will take a photo and after recording it on cassette a point will be added to the scoreboard, so you discover that in addition to being a simulator it has a competition mode.
I would really like it to be considered the most boring game on Spectrum... hahahaha
Thank you very much for your work and long life to the Crap Games Competition!"
So I note Azimov is trying to bore the pants off us.
In this 'game', you can literally stay up all night to watch the largest concentration of SpaceX Starlink satellite trains pass by, in real time.
There is also a mode that allows you to 'take good photos' and record a score.
But don't get excited, because once the 'action starts' you sit watching a black screen with a few white pixels scattered about. That's pretty much it. Nothing happens, but you sit there and wait. Helpfully there is a timer so you know that the spectrum hasn't actually crashed.
After many minutes some dots go by... And that's it. OK, I'm done.
C to change sky colour.
T o turn on/off remaining time and name of the train.
M to return to menu.
N for a new random location.
When you see a train press SPACE to take a photo. If you save it
you will win 1 point. Have a blank tape ready!
OK, it's a funny idea. Kind of topical too. And it is about as far away from Cocaine Bear as it is possible to be. It is very, very crap, but is it a game? No.
Could there be a more boring game on the spectrum? Do write to me if you think of one.
What next, Advanced Watching Paint Dry Simulator? Come on.
Sore: 0 Bizzles of excitement.